Have you ever landed
in the job market, located a reasonable job vacancy as a consequence of your
654249 days job hunt, applied for the job, received a call for an interview, got
offered a job position, required to sign an employment contract, and you forged
your signature on the dotted line WITHOUT reading it? Sounds mad as a hatter,
doesn’t it? Then what makes you sign on, without going through, on THAT one
paper your life depends on? That one contract that announces your
life-long commitment to a whole other person? Why do you do this, woman? WHY?
(Terry Jefford’s iconic WHY).
I surely was galvanized
by GenerationPK’s #ConsentToNikah Winter Festive campaign as much as you
are. Pakistan’s pioneer of ready-to-wear women’s wear and the leading
fashion brand, in collaboration with Centre of Human Rights UCL, has successfully
absconded from the dehumanizing notion of a woman’s (supposed) position in our masculo-phallic society (this author is
deeply inspired by b99’s quotes).
Deeply exhilarated by this initiative, I (an unapologetically single, (almost) 23 yo) decided to rant my two cents on this topic.
What does this average-looking piece of paper (several pages, in all honesty; interesting fact reveal: they make you cut most (significant) of them) establish?
Just like any other
regular contract fosters mutual obligations between the concerned parties, your Nikanama
plays a pivotal role in identifying, or most significantly – in setting the
foundation of your relationship. A Nikahnama is often mistaken to be a
formal covenant between two families, which abysmally provides deficient
gravity to a partnership between two sane adults, who must encounter the lion’s share of worldly experiences together – WHATTA IRONY.
The bewilderment among young girls about their
Nikahnama, and cluelessness from their resolute set of expectations,
from their marriages - which in some instances can be a (comprehensively VALID)
case of pre-wedding jitters – can hamper their conscience to recognize the
magnitude of this bargain (Nikah) in defining their commitment to their
respective partners.
One of the other
prevailing factors that may impede women from studying their Nikahnama
and their communicated rights in it is their own overwhelming ness concerning
the major potential changes in their lives, and their capacity to make peace
with those changes.
A comprehensive study of each section of the Nikahnama with your potential partner, preferably days before your wedding, can genuinely lay the groundwork for your future relationship and empower you to be more emotionally aware of your bargain, consent, and adherence to your partner and his life decisions.
Is My Nikahnama a Pro-Women Social Contract?
You read it right,
woman. Your Nikahnama is your greatest asset. It’s a legit social
contract between two sane-minded and level-headed adults, comprising -
submission, consent, affirmation to those submissions, commitment, and reciprocality
of words and vows.
The conventional
custom in Desi weddings where the bride
(also the groom, in some cases) has little to no authority over her Nikahnama
among all the chaos during the Nikah
ceremony, (everyone, including her distant relatives, neighbors, their
relatives, their dogs – LITERALLY everyone wants to be included in the substantial
part of her event) let alone her affirmation of her social and financial rights
in it, has markedly abbreviated the possibility of Nikahnama as a
social contract.
Let’s divide some
major facets of Nikahnama to comprehensively fathom out its pro-women-ness.
Wait, do you guys (read: women) get a say in deciding your Haq Mehr?
Quick “empowering”
fact: Your Haq Mehr is – believe it or not – a concession and a total
certification of your independence. It not only financially secures you, by
acting as a safety net – during the marriage, or if the marriage ends by any
God-forsaken circumstance - but also grants you a grounding position in your
new relationship. While it is primarily constricted to be in monetary form and
for the most part considered merely as a “token” resulting in inscribing a
minimal amount to “fill” the slot – let’s just put it straight, ladies (and
gents, if you happen to be still reading this, given a truckload of mind-boggling
information) – your Haq Mehr can be anything (be it property, jewelry, home
goods, domestic appliances, furniture, carpets, car, clothes – basically ANYTHING
which can be owned), and you get a total say in it! - Not to mention the
pivotal role the bride’s Wali and the groom play in deciding the Mehr. Nevertheless,
the bride’s consent holds a paramount significance, come rain or shine,
permitting her to jot down her Mehr according to her social status (which does
not even leave room for the Wali to object!).
Handy suggestion for deciding on your Haq Mehr: Please talk through your dreams, future plans, financial standing and goals, and aspirations with your future partner beforehand (it isn’t 1990 anymore).
You weren’t serious when you said, “Women have a right to divorce”, right? Okay, no? – You were serious-
Your pro-woman Nikahnama (section 18) gives you an equal (if not more, joking) right to terminate the marriage – without being un-Islamic! (Cultural purists can take a seat now). However, it is crucial to identify the difference between this lesser-known divorce loophole and khulla, with the former permitting women to proceed with the divorce (WITH delegation) without their husband’s consent, and even without returning the Haq Mehr (that’s some brand new information!)
The oh-so-famous controversial section your Wali/Imam doesn’t want you to read, and crosses out the first chance he gets: The Special Conditions Clause
Ladies, believe me, you
don’t want to miss this section. Clause 17 of your Nikahnama is crucial in
outlining your sane expectations from your marriage, along with keeping you and
your partner on equal footing. This can range from deciding on your career
goals, your portion of daily chores, right to privacy and residency, keeping family
ties, monthly maintenance amount, and even deciding on maintenance and
stipulations appertain to the wife’s residence, in case the marriage dissolves.
So make sure to crack your knuckles and whip your reading glasses on before
you begin jotting down your “conditions” (sister-to-sister advice: make sure to
fill every nook and cranny).
The sweet summit: You can always amend your Nikahnama
That’s right. If you
are one of those folks who were ensnared by the dictation of cultural purists
at the time of your Nikah – don’t fret, you can always make alterations to your
Nikahnama with your partner. For instance, through this amendment, you can
increase the amount of Haq Mehr to fit your financial situation or to adjust
for the eroding power of money due to inflation (win-win situation!).
Ending note: Happy
signing, folks! – Make sure your Nikahnama is well articulated with all the
nitty-gritty details.
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